Sunday, February 10, 2008

girlz are silly

currently listening to: Vampire Weekend, A-Punk

girls are such douchebags a lot of times

1. why the obsession over being tan? I literally think I hear the phrase, "OH MAH GAHHH YOU'RE SOOOOOO TAN!" about 25 times a day. On a campus that is about 70% female, it's hard to avoid the tanorexics. You know who they are: their skin is tres orange... and even worse, it's in FEBRUARY. NO ONE IS TAN IN THE WINTER! that is the time to wear sweatshirts and coats and probably eat lots of cookiez.

2. On that note.. also do not wear sun dresses in the winter. not even to the bar. you look very stupid. there is not so much sun, therefore, not so much need for sundresses.

3. when you sleep with a boy the first time you meet him, he probably doesn't really like you. even if he says something really romantic like, "you're so pretty... i'd like to sex you up good." Also, sometimes "I'd like you to be my girlfriend" comes out as "Nice rack!!!! wanna go watch a movieeeee?"

Instead of going home with boiz when they say these things try this: take your shoes off and walk away hunched over. Or, try saying something wild, like, "I'm going home to my boyfriend... Wii tennis!" It won't get you laid, but it sometimes gets a terrific or horrible response.

4. "Live, Laugh, Love" is a really boring quote. if you post this anywhere near you, you deserve eternal disrespect and uncoolness.

5. though no one likes to admit this next one, I will. I judge you on your facebook profile. a lot. when you put things like, "loving life!" or "my friends" or "diamonds" as facebook interests, you risk losing lots of approval. who doesn't like these things? you're dumb.

6. Uggs are not fashionable. they are warm. do not confuse.

7. don't pretend to know about sports when you don't care at all. that makes you the biggest toolbox in the land. wearing a jersey on game day and knowing the quarterback's name won't make guys think you're sweet, it just makes everyone think you suck. because you do!

8. cleavage is gay. so are boobs in general.

9. a lot of times, really ugly girls wear big sunglasses and it disguises their non-beauty.
tip: if you are ugly, wear small sunglasses. then you're not leading anyone on!

10. not a lot of girls know this, but the #1 best way to get back at that bitchslutwhore you hate is to poop on her front steps. it always does the trick.

if you follow these rules, you can become the koolest girl on the block!

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