Monday, March 24, 2008

I... hatechu.

Today I was at the mall and was sitting at a table in the food court with two of my friends. We noticed there were a bunch of cameramen walking around filming this girl. She would go over to people and sit down next to them and ask them questions while this kwazy-looking lady with magenta hair observed her. Turns out it was MTV's 'Made.'

Of all the people who don't give a crap about this, I win. So, of course the girl comes over to the table where I'm sitting and sits down next to us. Turns out she's trying to be a beauty queen (...what? This is not Texas) and wanted to know what we thought of after-school activities. Not sure how that correlates, but whatevs.

Here's how the conversation went:

MTV girl: Are you involved in after-school activities?
All of us: (awkwardly) Uhh.. we're in college.
MTV girl: Oh, well... what do you think of them? Are they... good? And if so, what are they good for?

--Pause. I'm thinking: ???????? you're stupid.

but then we answered and evened the score:

Me: "Yeah, they're good to... do... I mean... anything to build up your resume I guess..."
Friend #1: Uhh... I'm in a sorority....
Friend #2: Yeah! Oh, I'm not.

Then the girl said 'thank you' and politely walked away because our answers clearly SUCKED/were so retarded and then the cameraman rounded on us. First he asked one of my friends if she was my mom (which was so weird), made us sign consent forms, and then he asked us some survey questions.

This was my full moment of glory:

Camera guy: So, what did you think of a young girl talking to random people and a lady observing her behavior?

(Just for the record the girl is black and her "Made Coach" is white)

Me: Well at first I thought it could have been her mom or they were related... but CLEARLY that's not the case...

***awkward silence***

Camera guy: Uh... yeah... OK, that's great thanks.

***he walks away***

Now all of tween America will think I'm a bigot. Thank you and goodnight.

P.S. keep watching MTV religiously so you can see me make an ass of myself on a crappy show!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

crack that whip!

Oh, hello. Sorry I haven't written in awhile, my schedule has been jam-packed lately with midterms, heavy drinking, X-TREME walking-with-iPod (I just got sponsored), the usual.

Today a couple friends and I went to get ice-cream. The place we went is a little shack on the side of the road called Smitty's, privately owned by a family. I guess that means they want to encourage a really overly familiar vibe, because while we were sitting at a table, this creepy little girl walks out from nowhere, cradling an even creepier porcelain doll. We all just kind of looked at each other as she showed it off to some customers. But the best part was definitely that she had just designed and sewn a full Elizabethan outfit for this thing, complete with one of those lace 'ruffs' (huge stiff Shakespearean collars). And when she brought it out, some lady in there was like, "Oh... wow... did you use a pattern for that?" it matters, girlfriend is sewing doll clothes and showcasing them to her parents' customers! WEIRD

Anyway, I'm looking forward to spring break (woooo college!!!!!!!) home, watching Lost on DVD and sleeping. And maybe taking my dog for a walk.

So obviously, my raging will be full throttle for 10 days while I pound shots (drink a glass of wine with my mom), participate in wet t-shirt contests (do my laundry), and get a sick caribbean tan (buy new bronzer).

Have fun ladiez, and use protection... you know, 'cause I hear it rains a lot this time of year in Panama City, so make sure to bring a rain poncho or umbrella-ella-ella of some kind to keep from getting wet... zingggg

Saturday, March 8, 2008

it's my party and i'll die if i want to.

Last night I threw a party.
It was jorts themed.
An actual hobo (named Ishmael) showed up and danced in the corner with a walkman/headphones.

<-- two anonymous guests, donning black and stonewashed jorts. stunning.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

the great salt lake looks like plane filled with gruel crashed and was never cleaned up.

Song of the day: A Cause des Garcons, Yelle

Hey guess what! I went to Utah this weekend. It was a very pretty state and had very rocky mountains, called "the Rocky Mountains." I was in a particularly nice place called Park City. Perhaps you've heard of it? Sometimes they have this little film festival there.

Here are my 'Top 10 Fun Facts' about Park City, Utah:

1. Everyone skis. Like, freak skis. I'm talking, it's snowing/raining/sleeting/moose-ing (there are a lot of those there) and you cannot see 2 feet in front of your face... and people are still chair-lifting up the mountain to HIT THAT POWDA! Don't get me wrong, I like skiing but once my physical and mental well-being are threatened by everything around me being completely whited-out or I'm being soaked through to my skin by an icy, cry-inducing downpour, I'm out.

2. People wear a lot of fur clothes, and a lot of turquoise jewelry. When you are not skiing (this is a rare occasion) you are probably dressed like an Indian. This being said, I wanted to fit in, so I bought a pair of hand-made silver earrings from a store I would kindly describe as a glorified trading post. This store also sold little birds made out of tree bark that I'm pretty sure you are supposed to display on a coffee table of some kind.

3. I'm pretty sure there are NO black people in Utah. Or any minorities for that matter. I kept wondering why I had a really eerie and confused feeling walking down the street, and then I noticed that I was in a bizarre white wonderland. Snow everywhere, and whities on all sides.

4. Mormon family bookshops! More than 3 on one street, in fact.

5. I consider myself a pretty "green" individual, but in my highly regarded opinion, SUVs are very, VERY important in Utah. I discovered this when we we had just finished dinner at the very posh Stein "douche" Eriksen restaurant, which is conveniently located on top of a mountain. Also, there was a huge blizzard occurring whilst we sipped Pinot Noir and ate gourmet Elk and Grizzly Bear.

So, upon finishing our meal and descending the windy death mountain, our visibility was approximately -562362347234. Listen to me: this is beyond terrifying. Luckily, we had a Suburban which made me feel a little safer... especially when a Mitsubishi hatchback came tearing around-side of our vehicle and disappeared into the snowy pitch-black depths of hell that surrounded us. Guhhh.

6. Snowboardy boys are the hottest guys in the world. Especially in Utah, for some reason. Even if they aren't cute, they are. It's a fact. Just accept it.

7. This isn't really about Utah, but it needs to be said. Ski boots are the most awkward thing you will ever put onto your body. Watching people walk in them is like watching someone with a disability... except when you laugh you won't feel like a heartless asshole.

here, in case you've forgotten what it looks like.

Powdery snow is a funny thing: it's pretty awesome if you're nicely on top of it, skiing gracefully. BUT, if by the ungodly misfortune you happen to take a fall into a huge pile of it (as I did), good f*cking luck getting out of that shit. It took me 15 minutes just to pack down an area enough to stand, and when I did, all of it just slid down the mountain and I was back to square one, except now screaming obscenities. Luckily, one of those cute snowboardy boys came and helped me.

Two words: Dry State. The STATE of Utah has a 'dry' policy on alcohol. My school doesn't even have a dry policy. I know Utah has a lot of mormons who abstain from the drink, but this was just utter bullshit and confusion. And stone-cold sobriety. Ugh.

Heated driveways are totally neato!