Wednesday, March 5, 2008

the great salt lake looks like plane filled with gruel crashed and was never cleaned up.

Song of the day: A Cause des Garcons, Yelle

Hey guess what! I went to Utah this weekend. It was a very pretty state and had very rocky mountains, called "the Rocky Mountains." I was in a particularly nice place called Park City. Perhaps you've heard of it? Sometimes they have this little film festival there.

Here are my 'Top 10 Fun Facts' about Park City, Utah:

1. Everyone skis. Like, freak skis. I'm talking, it's snowing/raining/sleeting/moose-ing (there are a lot of those there) and you cannot see 2 feet in front of your face... and people are still chair-lifting up the mountain to HIT THAT POWDA! Don't get me wrong, I like skiing but once my physical and mental well-being are threatened by everything around me being completely whited-out or I'm being soaked through to my skin by an icy, cry-inducing downpour, I'm out.

2. People wear a lot of fur clothes, and a lot of turquoise jewelry. When you are not skiing (this is a rare occasion) you are probably dressed like an Indian. This being said, I wanted to fit in, so I bought a pair of hand-made silver earrings from a store I would kindly describe as a glorified trading post. This store also sold little birds made out of tree bark that I'm pretty sure you are supposed to display on a coffee table of some kind.

3. I'm pretty sure there are NO black people in Utah. Or any minorities for that matter. I kept wondering why I had a really eerie and confused feeling walking down the street, and then I noticed that I was in a bizarre white wonderland. Snow everywhere, and whities on all sides.

4. Mormon family bookshops! More than 3 on one street, in fact.

5. I consider myself a pretty "green" individual, but in my highly regarded opinion, SUVs are very, VERY important in Utah. I discovered this when we we had just finished dinner at the very posh Stein "douche" Eriksen restaurant, which is conveniently located on top of a mountain. Also, there was a huge blizzard occurring whilst we sipped Pinot Noir and ate gourmet Elk and Grizzly Bear.

So, upon finishing our meal and descending the windy death mountain, our visibility was approximately -562362347234. Listen to me: this is beyond terrifying. Luckily, we had a Suburban which made me feel a little safer... especially when a Mitsubishi hatchback came tearing around-side of our vehicle and disappeared into the snowy pitch-black depths of hell that surrounded us. Guhhh.

6. Snowboardy boys are the hottest guys in the world. Especially in Utah, for some reason. Even if they aren't cute, they are. It's a fact. Just accept it.

7. This isn't really about Utah, but it needs to be said. Ski boots are the most awkward thing you will ever put onto your body. Watching people walk in them is like watching someone with a disability... except when you laugh you won't feel like a heartless asshole.

here, in case you've forgotten what it looks like.




8.
Powdery snow is a funny thing: it's pretty awesome if you're nicely on top of it, skiing gracefully. BUT, if by the ungodly misfortune you happen to take a fall into a huge pile of it (as I did), good f*cking luck getting out of that shit. It took me 15 minutes just to pack down an area enough to stand, and when I did, all of it just slid down the mountain and I was back to square one, except now screaming obscenities. Luckily, one of those cute snowboardy boys came and helped me.

9.
Two words: Dry State. The STATE of Utah has a 'dry' policy on alcohol. My school doesn't even have a dry policy. I know Utah has a lot of mormons who abstain from the drink, but this was just utter bullshit and confusion. And stone-cold sobriety. Ugh.

10.
Heated driveways are totally neato!


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