Monday, April 28, 2008

divine intervention

You will all think I'm crazy. In some respects, this is true. BUT, I PROMISE YOU-- word for word-- this is the 100% truth.

Tonight, I got a text message from God.

My phone beeps and says "1 New Text Message." I was very confused because my phone has, since I've ever had it, only vibrated for text messages. "Some freak thing," I think to myself. I open my phone to check the text:

Fr: (God)
Message: Remember, my child, I am always watching.

I tried, for 10 minutes, to extract a number from the text message: nothing. I wrote back 'Who is this?' No response. I even googled it and NOTHING came up! Like, legit, this is one of the most bizarre things that has ever happened to me. Hopefully there is some reasonable or prank-type explanation for this, and if there isn't-- I'm officially stunned and confused. And, apparently, watched from above.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

grrrrl please...

This is really more of a public service announcement than anything else, but a critical issue needs to be addressed.

To the girls of my generation, wearing SHIRTS AS DRESSES.
please. stop.

Last night, I saw a girl sitting at a table, wearing a striped shirt, which was cute. I even said, "Hm, cute top." Then she stood up.

And she wasn't wearing pants.
And my jaw dropped.

I kept uncomfortably looking around wondering if anyone else noticed that this girl clearly seemed to have forgotten her bottoms, and praying I didn't have to see any phantom vag while I was enjoying a beer with my friends.

It seemed, however, that she had intentionally worn this confused ensemble, and was happily bouncing and grinding around like the precious little pole dancer she would someday become. All I could do was shake my head and hope for the best.

silly girlz: let's say we nip this issue in the BUTTS (that I keep seeing against my will) and remember to put on the bottom half of your outfits. You paid enough for your jeans: wear them.

Thanx.