Monday, July 28, 2008

want 2 vom.

Have you all seen that whack commercial for Mentos gum? I mean first of all, Mentos gum seems pretty pointless... since Mentos (original) are chewy mints.

Anyway, the commercial shows this office-y girl going over to the water cooler, and one of her male coworkers is sitting next to it. You think she's going to, oh-so-ordinarily, drink straight from the cooler spout (EW). But instead, curve ball, and she leans over, basically dislocates the dude's nose and makes out with him. Then, when she's finished being "refreshed," she repositions his nose and struts away.


AND!!! In the original commercial, this sick gulping noise is played while she makes out with the guy, which is so horribly nauseating that I was really just open mouthed (pun intended!) that any quasi-normal minded person would come up with that concept... it literally sounds like she's drinking his spit.

In the more recently aired versions of the ad, the gulping noise is omitted but it is still a really gay and weird commercial that doesn't make sense. Since when are either slurping a guy's face off, or putting your mouth to the office-wide water cooler at ALL refreshing? Gross, Mentos.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

georgia rule and babel are two of the worst movies ever.

I just watched these abominations. Don't make the same mistake I did...

Georgia Rule
stars Lindsay Lohan, Jane Fonda and that nameless blonde woman from Desperate Housewives, all in the same movie. WTF. Clearly, the director saw his list of leading ladies (alliteration! $$$!!), realized he was doomed and desperately tried to throw in substance abuse and repressed memories of childhood molestation wherever he could to try and beef it up. Oh, and there's also a lovesick mormon heart-throb to ice the cake. Also, Lindsay Lohan plays a huge slut (a tough role for her) and wears white outfits in pretty much every scene of the movie... maybe they were going for subtle irony? I kept waiting for it to get good, or at least have a single good scene, and it never happened. Garry Marshall: please give me back the hour of my life you stole.

Babel is a Crash wannabe to the extreme. This movie is proof that even casting Brad Pitt AND Cate Blanchett, combined with focusing on current issues like globalization and the middle east won't make your movie good. It's really weird too, because so much is always happening (at varying world locations) and then nothing is really accomplished or explained at the end of the film. I actually hated this movie a tiny bit more than I hated Georgia Rule. This is mainly because while Georgia Rule was pre-destined to be terrible, Babel had the facade of a deep, "ah ha" movie, and if you weren't paying attention, you might be tricked into believing it made ANY sense at all. Or if you're an idiot. You also have to watch the entire thing, because you keep thinking it's going to come together at the end, and it doesn't.
Confusing plotline + unresolved conflict + naked asian = failure.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

why do you have a blackberry and not a real job?

Blackberries are like soooo the way of the future. How did we survive without them?
I know! right?

My high school aged brother just told me that people in his school have blackberries and iphones. What is this wackness? Here is what I imagine when I'm told nonsense like this:

(circle of girls aged 15-18 convenes)

'OMG, look at my blackberry pearl. Soooo cute! And even comes in pink!'

'No wait, look at my Curve. It's slightly bigger with a slightly bigger screen but still compact and convenient. AH! it's ringing! And it sounds like the metro "door opening" bell. SO annoying! BRB guys, gotta take this really important call from the lady I babysit for.'

'WAIT NO! OMG, look at my World Edition BB (blackberry abbrev).. it's like the same exact thing but costs more and has an unnecessary amount of business-oriented features for a person my age!'

'O. M. G. look at that girl's blackberry, she must have the latest model! Look how big the screen is! And that easy-to-use keypad? AND IT'S A FLIP OPEN??? ...Oh wait, that's a laptop.'

Above convo might be slightly exaggerated, but let's all be honest with ourselves: Blackberries were invented for, like, serious investment bankers and CEO's of companies whose lives revolve around business emails and/or essential money laundering information that needs to be passed on in a nanosecond to an investor or client or the mob. My bad, I meant, "the family."

So, wtf are you doing with one of these time consuming gadgets if you do not have aforementioned career? Or at least a high school diploma? I mean, I love Facebook as much as the next person, but Jesus Christ.

As far as 'important emails that must be checked instantly' go at age 17...

"Jessica Jones wrote on your Wall."

"Mike Mitchell has confirmed you as a friend on facebook."

"You have been invited to the event, 'Sarah's Sweet 16.'"

Bottom line: so unnecessary, and to all you tweens/teens who own PDAs: you are annoying.

Plus, they awkwardly call people all the time from inside your purse. I hope someone hears you talking shit about them and then confronts you about it after geometry.