Fuck the Olympics.
China is cheating, Michael Phelps is a scientifically modified freak with a total mongoloid head/face, and women's beach volleyball was only made an Olympic sport to make every woman in the world feel like Fatty McThunderthighs. Like, you seriously have to play it in bikinis? Is that to minimize wind resistance? I mean, it totally makes sense that your washboard abs would be hindered so much by a shirt. Also, I cannot believe table tennis is considered a sport, and "team handball" is so weird. I am seriously starting to think people are just pulling sports ideas out of a hat in a desperate effort to bring something new and fresh to da 'LyMpiX (future spelling, for the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver. Get ready, peepz!)
The one redeeming part of the Olympics is Shawn Johnson. She does awesome back flips, looks like a cute bunny, and most importantly, has one completely wonky eyebrow that sits, like, more than halfway up her forehead. U-S-A!