Sunday, January 25, 2009

wish I could shut YOUR playboy mouth.




This is the #3 ranked entry to Lady GaGa's "iBeatYou Dance Off," which is hosted by Madame GaGa herself, as well as MySpace... shocking. I hope you all have enough time on your hands to watch this, as he clearly did to make it. I'll never look at gold lamme leggings the same way again.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

"Maybe I should just sweep... I'll sweep the floor!"

Foreword: The background story on this video, is that this girl essentially got drunk and wanted to use a fire extinguisher to make it look like it had snowed inside the dorm. This is a practical joke that her father apparently had success with during his college years, and she was trying to recreate it. Unfortunately, the fire extinguisher filled the entire hallway with chemicals, which set off the fire alarm, and the entire building had to be evacuated. Enjoy.

Friday, January 16, 2009

chilly 2

OK, I thought the other day was cold: today is Siberian. If you live in New York and have Botox, don't make any weird facial expressions today, unless you're fine with keeping them indefinitely.

Also, this I saw a guy pacing and talking to himself at my subway stop, and my first reaction was not, "Good morning, crazy guy!" but rather, "F*ckin' bluetooth." Then I noticed the bottle-shaped brown paper bag in his left hand and the lack of socks/hygiene.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

chilly

I don't really know what the temperature is in other parts of the country right now, but New York is bastardly cold. I just checked the current weather conditions, and apparently it's 19 degrees, but "feels like 3."

3 fucking degrees.

3 degrees is like mid-autumn in Alaska. There is a reason no one lives in MF-ing Alaska, and it's because it frequently achieves temperatures like 3 degrees. And of course, let's not forget: Sarah Palin is there too, personally slaughtering the entire reindeer population, gosh darnit.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

hurts so good

Yesterday around 3, as I was taking the elevator back up to my office (after some important purchasing of DVDs from the Virgin Megastore for someone’s assistant), I beheld a sight that left quite a mark on my day.

At first glance it was nothing remarkable: a woman speaking to a man, on their way up to the Glamour office. Then I noticed she was on crutches. “Poor lady.” I thought. Then I noticed she had a medical boot on the injured foot. “So ugly.” I thought. Then I noticed that her other, "normal" shoe was a 4-inch stiletto.

This really struck me as an odd choice, and for a moment, I wondered if it was just me . But the elevator arrived at the 16th floor, and out she hobbled, balancing precariously on that pin-width heel. I have to say, I was rather impressed by her maneuverability in a shoe that is beyond difficult to walk in when you can steady yourself on a pair of them. But, in all honesty, it looked like a sloth trying to walk like a human.

And it was a cute shoe, but seriously? WTF, January sidewalks in New York are icy death traps, girlfriend was just tempting another injury.

UPDATE 1/14: This isn't exactly an update to the above story, but rather a 'crutches story' update. While I was waiting for the subway this morning, this really scraggly dude on crutches was limping around the platform looking really pissed at the world. I watched as a nicely dressed woman made her way past him... AND HE TRIPPED HER! Like, intentionally swung his crutch out and pretty much just whacked her in the shins, Tonya Harding style.

It looked obviously intentional, and the reaction from both parties was so hilarious. The woman let out a surprised yelp and jumped back a little, looking at the guy in disbelief. The scraggly guy just grunted angrily and made absolutely no attempt to apologize or explain himself. I guess sometimes you just gotta trip a bitch.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

shut up and drive

I'm officially an intern. Read: an errand bitch who now appreciates the value of comfortable shoes. I'll write about my adventures when my stories don't revolve around multiple trips to FedEx and taping down the flaps of envelopes I just stuffed so they don't come undone in the mail. Celeb status, right there.