Thursday, May 10, 2012

tricky treats

I was thinking today about some options for a 'casual treat' outing sometime in the next couple weeks, and a couple of really fun, cutesy ideas popped into my head. But there is slippery slope to these things. Shit can go seriously awry if you aren't practicing awareness.

First, Brunch. Brunch is the greatest meal ever. It has all the best foods, you don't have to eat it at a stupidly early time of day, you can guzzle multiple glasses of Champagne (in the morning!) and not look like a sad, single lush on New Year's Eve, and unlike dinners, the more people you have, the more fun it is.

The danger: If you're like me, you're thinking, "It's a derivative of breakfast! I drink protein shakes in my car on my way to work for breakfast, every day. What's the worst that could happen?" Well, sloppy brunch people are the living worst. You've heard (or been) that person telling the story of last night's debauchery to the entire restaurant, because a couple strong Bloody Marys eliminated your ability to speak with an "inside voice." Sometimes knocking over four people's water glasses with uncontrolled hand gestures will snap you out of it, and if not, maybe the hostess having to call you a cab before noon will. Or maybe you're just the living worst.

Bitches love Wine Bars. When I went to a wine bar for the first time, I thought I was really fancy. I feel like the title "wine bar" gives the implication that you're at some sort of wine tasting, which is for the refined noble class. You'd get "lit," but not drunk. You'd gossip in a polite voice about your doubles partner, and rave about the sale at Sak's you caught on Friday morning, when you were shopping instead of having a job. But far better than a tasting, you get full glasses of wine here. Done.

The danger: It's a bar. And when you're at a bar, you usually drink. And when your wine options fill a four page menu, you're gonna try a few of them. And when you try a few, you might approach strangers' tables for weird mingling, lose your phone, forget most of what you learned about socially appropriate behavior/conversation, and leave with your stilettos in your purse.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

to love is divine.

To all the religious zealots, the bible bangers, the so-called "Jesus freaks" and ultra-traditionalists, the gay-bashers, the haters, the uptight, the hypocritical, the self-denying and the delusional who voted to pass North Carolina's Amendment 1:

You live every day attesting your entire life to a savior. To this “Christ”, whom you supposedly strive to be more like in all that you do, so that you can reach attainment of some sort of divinity, as you believe he was divine. A Christ whose gospel rules your life. A Christ, coincidentally, whose actual messages were “love your neighbor as yourself” and to be compassionate to everyone, especially those who suffer the most. A Christ who spent his entire life with lepers and cripples and prostitutes who were all looking for love and acceptance, while the religious dictators of the time denied these people from society and refused to recognize them as worthwhile, casting them aside like garbage. These were the people your Christ kept company with: those who suffered at the hands of societal leaders.

God is love. It’s written in your Bible over and over and over again. You sing it in your songs. You say it at your services. You quite literally spend your entire religious livelihood preaching a message of love and acceptance for that which you cannot fully understand, and yet here you stand, blatantly cultivating hate. Imagine if your Christ had his “second coming” that you all wait for in vain, and was to see the way you treat people who share this earth with you. Imagine his dismay that you could have intentionally chosen to discard your human brothers and sisters; label them as “less than” and deny them compassion and consideration and love. His ONLY mission was love.

Amendment 1 is not a preservation of “God’s” marriage. Marriage was not created by God. It was conceived by people. Earthlings. Homosapiens (notice the 'homo' in that?) It’s a societal institution that recognizes the decision of two people who elect to form a domestic partnership under the law, and/or the Church if they so choose. The decision to lawfully deny basic human rights to any human is archaic, and quite honestly, nonsensical. How does it not make sense to you? HUMAN. RIGHTS.

To paraphrase political analyst Rachel Maddow, rights are rights for a reason. They shouldn’t have to be voted on. By voting to pass this amendment, you have not only set us, as a people, back to a level of perceived acceptable ignorance that most hoped was a faint shadow of the past, but you have violated the mantra and core rhetoric of your life’s savior. You have set in place a law that encourages the idea that loving a certain way is not acceptable, as if any of you are fit to judge. By passing this amendment, you have accomplished the opposite of what you are claiming to have done: rather than preserving something beautiful, you have shattered the notion you claim to base your life on, and contradicted the message of love.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

get me out of here

You know when you're in bed the night before something really crazy/exciting/fun/unknown is going to happen, and you're just WAITING for it, feeling super anxious and considering every single possibility to the Nth degree?

And your imagination is going wild and totally takes over to where your body is legitimately buzzing with anticipation and you may find yourself flailing your limbs around and karate kicking your blankets to physically express your feelings?

And it eventually gets to the point where you just feel nothing but frustrated because it occurs to you that you're LYING DOWN WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED and not even sleeping, and you don't want to be doing something that dull and trivial that you have no say in? And your face may start to get hot because you're so annoyed that mild tears are a possibility?

And you so desperately want it just be over with so you can finally get to experience that feeling of pure joy and attainment and the thought of your current situation is the total opposite of that and totally mind-numbing?

Right now, every day is like that.

Except, I have no idea if or when the good thing I'm clenching my eager little fists for is actually going to happen.

So I continue to pummel through mindless paperwork and office tasks at my temp job. Continue to eat lunch alone in my car every day just to escape the crippling office setting, staring at the parking lot of a post office and day-dreaming about being somewhere else. Continue to be shot down again and again by creative agencies and media companies who keep perpetuating the Catch-22 of "experience": they won't hire me without industry experience, but I can't get the industry experience without them hiring me. And I know how good I am, and how great I could be. But I still feel like a cliche twenty-something, bitching about my mediocre life... because I am.

My homeopathic remedy? I absorb all the media I can. Analyze the ads. Eat grammar. Drink spelling.  Have a love affair with type. Shoot up style.

Lather, rinse, repeat.*




*Results may take extensive period of time to yield noticeable results, if any at all. Repeat cycle diligently until lucky break occurs, or futility inevitably sets in.