Thursday, May 10, 2012

tricky treats

I was thinking today about some options for a 'casual treat' outing sometime in the next couple weeks, and a couple of really fun, cutesy ideas popped into my head. But there is slippery slope to these things. Shit can go seriously awry if you aren't practicing awareness.

First, Brunch. Brunch is the greatest meal ever. It has all the best foods, you don't have to eat it at a stupidly early time of day, you can guzzle multiple glasses of Champagne (in the morning!) and not look like a sad, single lush on New Year's Eve, and unlike dinners, the more people you have, the more fun it is.

The danger: If you're like me, you're thinking, "It's a derivative of breakfast! I drink protein shakes in my car on my way to work for breakfast, every day. What's the worst that could happen?" Well, sloppy brunch people are the living worst. You've heard (or been) that person telling the story of last night's debauchery to the entire restaurant, because a couple strong Bloody Marys eliminated your ability to speak with an "inside voice." Sometimes knocking over four people's water glasses with uncontrolled hand gestures will snap you out of it, and if not, maybe the hostess having to call you a cab before noon will. Or maybe you're just the living worst.

Bitches love Wine Bars. When I went to a wine bar for the first time, I thought I was really fancy. I feel like the title "wine bar" gives the implication that you're at some sort of wine tasting, which is for the refined noble class. You'd get "lit," but not drunk. You'd gossip in a polite voice about your doubles partner, and rave about the sale at Sak's you caught on Friday morning, when you were shopping instead of having a job. But far better than a tasting, you get full glasses of wine here. Done.

The danger: It's a bar. And when you're at a bar, you usually drink. And when your wine options fill a four page menu, you're gonna try a few of them. And when you try a few, you might approach strangers' tables for weird mingling, lose your phone, forget most of what you learned about socially appropriate behavior/conversation, and leave with your stilettos in your purse.

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