Monday, August 27, 2012

Blackout Factory Summer Cookbook: recipe for a beach bar cover band

Ingredients:
1 guy singer who is indescribably confident he can pull off a fedora, and is more than willing to take off his shirt if it's so required (usually when people are still sober enough to be having scream-over-the-music conversations in the crowd)
1 guy who can kind of rap
1 guy who took some music lessons in some instrument, at some point in his life
1 girl to sing the Fergie parts for Black Eyed Peas songs.

Preparation:
First, make sure to get booked at a bar on a night with insane specials on rail liquor, and start an hour  later than you're supposed to. Before, during, and after every song, address the crowd with ONLY haughty comments about how much drunker they could still get. Next, dedicate a song to a birthday girl and mass-compliment all her squealing friends so they start crowding around the stage and giving you slut eyes. This should start drawing guys forward as well. Cover at least two LMFAO songs, and one of them should always be "Shots." By now, things should be rolling along nicely. If not, it's likely time for fedora guy to pop that shirt off, and maybe try a very animated performance of "Livin' On A Prayer." 

I really don't have any suggestions for you after this, because I've seen all of these strategies garner wild success.